Love, love, love

As much as I know that this is key, I seem to need to be constantly reminded of it.

I have found faith and things a real challenge recently if I'm honest. Even though I have been talking about all the amazing ways that I have felt challenged by God to grow, I've felt somewhat overwhelmed. It's like I could see how all of the bits of the jigsaw fitted together better than ever before, but I found myself doubting whether the jigsaw even existed. That's not a great analogy, I know. An ever so slightly better one perhaps - it's like I was understanding the theory behind black holes in more and more complex detail, but was doubting the existence of them anyway. If that makes sense.

Even though I have felt that I have learned so much from God and been challenged afresh by Him in so many ways, I found myself struggling with faith as a whole. Taking, for instance, how my understanding of speaking into people's lives has grown and my willingness to pray for people to be healed, I haven't seen any healings yet and that has been really discouraging.

It built up over the term too, and over Christmas I was feeling really dragged down by it, even when I was able to see things in terms of persecution (spiritual) being an encouragement because it speaks of opposition when going the right way.

But on Thursday I went to The Gathering at Kings church, and we spent the whole time waiting on God's presence. I can never explain what that's like to anyone, but it was so amazing. I was with God in such a close way that I haven't felt properly for ages, and it just kinda made everything ok again.

I realised some things that are central to everything, and I think I had lost that whilst discovering the detail in the outer areas. Love.

I realised that I cannot heal anyone. I cannot make anyone come to church. I cannot even make anyone understand the gospel. I can pursue those things, and I should, but I cannot make them happen.

All I can do is love God and love others.

And that is what counts.