Discernment

This is the word for me at the moment.
It's the word at the centre of a lot of my prayers.

I have felt more challenged by things in my walk with God in the past term than I think I ever have before. Cool, but weird and hard.

1)

Firstly, my outlook on money completely changed over the summer. I got this realisation that I am rich. So very rich. You know that half the world, Yes HALF the world, that's 3 billion people live on less than £1 a day. let me break that down for you. That £7 a week. £30ish a month. £365 a year. My rent is £275, my household bills another £75. That's £350. A month. A MONTH. Before luxuries (i.e. nights out, starbucks, cinema, etc.).

I spend in 1 month what HALF THE WORLD GETS IN A WHOLE YEAR.
I also have about £200 a month alloted to myself for direct debits and for my nights out, cinema, etc.
I spend more ON LUXURIES in 2 MONTHS than HALF THE WORLD GETS IN A WHOLE YEAR.

My attitude toward money has changed. Because what I've quoted for myself is my out goings since I have had this in mind. So far this year my tuition loan has obviously gone straight to the University, but I've managed to not touch my Maintenance loan. I get the full Maintenance Grant and the full University Bursary so this has gone towards that first set of bills I mentioned of mine. All my necessities are fortunately paid for by money that I don't have to pay back. That means that any money above that is luxury and on my back. So far I have used money from my birthday, earned from work over the summer and given to me by family for starting uni, and I have some paid work lined up for next year to sort outgoings then.

Basically I am really challenged to think about how much I get over here in the West, how much I take for granted and how much I waste.

I can't really explain any further than that, I think it is perhaps a God given compulsion, but I am challenged to be more and more faithful with what is given to me, and less and less selfish, since I have too much as it is.

Having written that I realise I risk sounding pious, like I'm trying to show how I'm better than everyone else. I don't think that at all. I don't think everyone else in the West is purposefully selfish as such. But I don't think we realise how blessed and fortunate we are, and this is something I have been struck with and challenged by recently, and I wanted to share that with you.

2)

This term I have also felt compelled to seek God for, chase God for, badger God for, demand God for more.
I spoke before about how I don't see Miracles, Healing, Words of Knowledge and so on in my life. I have felt really challenged to seek God for these. I have felt challenged to seek God more fully than I ever have and I feel that I need to see Him do these things or I need to leave Him. This has meant that I have been challenged to start seriously seeking Him in prayer, and to start trying to outwork it in my real life.
I have prayed with non-Christian friends of mine, which is hard to do. To stand up and ask them if I can pray for them. I haven't seen amazing miracles yet. I haven't knowingly encountered words of knowledge or prophecy yet. I haven't seen the healing that I have prayed for. But I know this is the right thing to be doing. I am constantly praying that God would do new things and I long to see it happen. And I believe that it will.
God has already used this though to grow things in me and develop me. It has taught me more about who He is, who I am and who I should be to those around me. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone, but taught me about putting the needs of others first and being a constant witness to my Lord and Saviour.
It is a challenge, but a challenge I take.

3)

The latest thing I have felt challenged about has been to do with speaking. I guess this kinda fits with words of knowledge and prophecy, or at least overlaps a bit. But mainly I feel challenged to talk to people about the important things in life and not back away from difficult topics.
This practically means tough conversations with individuals I know, conversations I'm yet to have as I seek to take on this challenge. I know that this is important because first of all it is what God wants of me. It is important because topics to be covered are important. And it is important because it deals with fundamental aspects of the respective relationships I have with different people. To speak truth into peoples lives can be tough, because a lot of things in life are tough.
To speak about it in a general way, whilst also using a real example, I need to be more prepared to talk directly with people about Jesus. I almost wrote "talk directly with people about my faith", but that makes this about me, and it is only about Him. This is a tough thing, because it is SO important that I speak with people about Jesus. NOTHING in the WHOLE OF LIFE is as important as JESUS and KNOWING HIM. I should not be afraid to back away from conversations about the most important thing to everyone in existence. But for whatever reason, I am.
So I am challenged to be prepared to talk to people about the important things, even if I think it could really challenge the relationship that I have with that person - whether I need to talk to them about their attitude towards others, about their behaviour, about their relationship with God or whatever.

So, I realise that's a lot. But that is where I am at, what is on my heart these days.

Discernment)

To take it back to discernment. This word is key for me at the moment, because it goes on top of everything I've spoken about so far.
I pray for discernment of my use of finances. How can I be most faithful with what I have. How I can I live less selfishly? How can I live more selflessly? How can I use what I have to benefit those around me? How can I use what I have to benefit those in the third world?
I pray for discernment of God's works of power. When should I offer to pray for someones healing? When should I look to God for miracles? How will I know if I have a word of knowledge? How will I know if I have a word of prophecy?
I pray for discernment in my relationships. What do I need to speak to people about? What should I say to them? When should I say it? How should I say it?

In all of these things I need discernment, so I seek God - give me discernment Lord. May I serve you with everything I have. May I serve you faithfully. May I serve you to the best of my ability. May I serve you to the best of your expectation. May your kingdom come.