Sunday, 28 December 2008
Life
Lol. I wonder if I need to clarify things at all. I'm not in hard place in the sense of feeling bad, upset, sad or anything. Just challenged. And I wish to share of my challenges with you. :-)
Saturday, 27 December 2008
Refining
So I don't know if I've made clear how challenging I've found the, well, challenges that I've spoken about before. This has been a real testing time for me and to be honest I've found it really hard. I still do. The more and more I look to meet these challenges, these things I know are right, the harder I realise that it is.
I have been really feeling the weight of these challenges and so really thinking about how much easier giving it all up is. I mean, I don't want to give it up, I want to strive on, but I do want to, because it would be so much easier (plus I'd get to go and do things my own morals restrict me from at the moment). This pressure to give up and leave it all is definitely mounting (prayer please). Some comfort I had today though was when I realised what that might imply.
For one thing it spoke to me of how when we start doing important things and really going for God and His Kingdom, Satan starts hounding us and making things very difficult and painful. So, since I feel somewhat hounded by all this and I'm finding it difficult, I draw encouragement from the fact that this shows how Satan is fighting against me. If he's doing that then I'm on to something good. Something big, something important, and something threatening to the kingdom of darkness. I must press on, I must overcome darkness with light.
The other thing I remembered was about refining fire. To purify gold takes a very hot fire and the removal of wrong things. I feel that my understanding and attitudes are being challenged. Tested by fire so to speak. And whilst this is difficult and in a sense painful, the fact, again, that it is happening suggests to me that good change is going on inside me. In which case bring it on. Hurt me more. Turn up the heat and get rid from me everything that is wrong. Purify me so that Your reflection can be seen in me.
Finally, I drew encouragement from a simple illustration I just experienced. I have been feeling that whilst all of this good change is starting to come about in me, the more I see things as how they could and should be, the more I see how very very very far from that they are. This seems so discouraging because the more I feel that I am being changed in these, I am convinced, incredibly good ways, the further I feel from being like the average Joe out there who doesn't know God. How am I supposed to connect with the next person on the street, let alone help them move from the understanding the kingdom of darkness would keep them in to that of God's kingdom?
I don't know the answer to that question and it would seem that the more I grow in these ways the further every one else seems and so much more insurmountable the task of helping them move appears. I really don't know what I am supposed to do. But I was encouraged because as I passed a body of water and gazed at the stillness of it, I felt compelled drop a stone into it. As I did so I watched the ripples move outward until the whole body of water was affected.
Now, although I don't know at all how to change the world or help others come to Jesus, I am convinced that as I seek God's refining in me, the changes He makes can have an affect that will ripple out to potentially everyone I encounter and more. I pray that God would raise up a generation who would go all out for God, counting the cost but reaping the reward for Him.
I have been really feeling the weight of these challenges and so really thinking about how much easier giving it all up is. I mean, I don't want to give it up, I want to strive on, but I do want to, because it would be so much easier (plus I'd get to go and do things my own morals restrict me from at the moment). This pressure to give up and leave it all is definitely mounting (prayer please). Some comfort I had today though was when I realised what that might imply.
For one thing it spoke to me of how when we start doing important things and really going for God and His Kingdom, Satan starts hounding us and making things very difficult and painful. So, since I feel somewhat hounded by all this and I'm finding it difficult, I draw encouragement from the fact that this shows how Satan is fighting against me. If he's doing that then I'm on to something good. Something big, something important, and something threatening to the kingdom of darkness. I must press on, I must overcome darkness with light.
The other thing I remembered was about refining fire. To purify gold takes a very hot fire and the removal of wrong things. I feel that my understanding and attitudes are being challenged. Tested by fire so to speak. And whilst this is difficult and in a sense painful, the fact, again, that it is happening suggests to me that good change is going on inside me. In which case bring it on. Hurt me more. Turn up the heat and get rid from me everything that is wrong. Purify me so that Your reflection can be seen in me.
Finally, I drew encouragement from a simple illustration I just experienced. I have been feeling that whilst all of this good change is starting to come about in me, the more I see things as how they could and should be, the more I see how very very very far from that they are. This seems so discouraging because the more I feel that I am being changed in these, I am convinced, incredibly good ways, the further I feel from being like the average Joe out there who doesn't know God. How am I supposed to connect with the next person on the street, let alone help them move from the understanding the kingdom of darkness would keep them in to that of God's kingdom?
I don't know the answer to that question and it would seem that the more I grow in these ways the further every one else seems and so much more insurmountable the task of helping them move appears. I really don't know what I am supposed to do. But I was encouraged because as I passed a body of water and gazed at the stillness of it, I felt compelled drop a stone into it. As I did so I watched the ripples move outward until the whole body of water was affected.
Now, although I don't know at all how to change the world or help others come to Jesus, I am convinced that as I seek God's refining in me, the changes He makes can have an affect that will ripple out to potentially everyone I encounter and more. I pray that God would raise up a generation who would go all out for God, counting the cost but reaping the reward for Him.
Rejection
So I think I've nailed something that I hadn't realised so much about myself. I've kind of realised again my pride. Definitely a sin I struggle with. There are times when I struggle with it directly - I have many moments of arrogance, even moments where I readily boast about myself to others - but mostly it is more subtle.
I'm a big advocate of positive self-image. Whilst I don't get to speak to guys about this so much, I find that so many of the girls I speak to have a negative self image. They usually hide it under make up, clothes, and what have you, but loads of girls I speak to think they are fat, ugly, useless, worthless, unlovable and worse. I really wish, I mean that, I really wish I could cure that in these girls. (This is a short aside) Because I'm so sick of the media presenting (and I'm assuming here that this is largely true for guys too) views that have led people to believe these things about themselves. People are beautiful, everyone is gifted and I know that everyone I have ever met is loved by those around them.
I like to think that I've managed to avoid this personally - I have a positive self image. I readily admit my faults, but I know that there are many people who love and care for me. I know where some of strengths lie (public speaking, guitar, theology, etc), I know that I'm a good friend, I think I'm pretty good looking. (Another short aside related to the first - the problem with me writing that is that I automatically appear vain, conceited, arrogant, etc for even having a positive self image, something else I hate about how we've been conditioned in our society).
But whilst I may have avoided this negative self image problem, I have become susceptible to the opposite. I can be proud.
But all of this is really a slight background to what I've been thinking. (I know, it's been an aside with asides in it). I may have a positive self image, but it's not well founded and it causes me big problems.
I know where the best place to build foundations for a positive self image are. They are in the knowledge that I am created in the image of God and deeply, deeply loved by Him. However, whilst I know this and try to build there, I think a lot of my foundations have been built on second grade groundwork. I have realised recently how much my positive self-image and self-worth, which is what this is actually about, are dependent on others.
To an extent that is good - get feedback from others, work together to improve at life, etc, etc - but it holds me back from some growth.
Let me relate it to what I spoke about in my last post. I am afraid to have difficult conversations with those I know, even when I know it's right and when I know I should. And I am afraid because of what could result. Speaking hard truths can lead to very difficult outcomes. For instance, if I speak to a friend about something, they may decide to stop being my friend. One person I know tends to completely stop talking to people who have upset them, to write them out of their life, so for me it would be a real challenge to speak to them about difficult topics because I fear that they might write me out of their life too.
This is all understandable on paper (and I assume you've kept up) but when it comes to real life application it becomes so much harder. And this is why it highlights issues for me.
I am really unprepared to speak to people becuase I don't want to offend them, I don't want to hurt them and I most definitely don't want them to hate me. I have this almost crippling fear of people rejecting me, and so I am too scared to speak to them about things that are important. And that is so sad. So upsetting.
I am so afraid of how people might react to me, and so scared of people potentially hating me, that I won't speak truth to them. Because the problem is truth can hurt.
It is so sad that I am afraid to tell people about Jesus, the best thing in the UNIVERSE, the BEST thing, because I am scared of how they might react to me. The best thing I can do for people is tell them about Jesus, help them to know Him, pray with them, speak truth to them and help them grow in truth and love, but I am afraid to do so because I risk them hating me.
So I need to destroy my pride. It needs to be taken out of me. It needs to go.
I need to realise this truth and let it change me. Because truth can hurt. But if people need truth then I need to give it to them, even if it means hurt.
We as Christians are called to be salt and light in the earth. Salt in a wound heals, but it also stings. Light when you've been in darkness shows you the way but also hurts your eyes. I want to heal people with truth and to show them the way, but it's likely to sting them and hurt.
In fact, this challenges me further, because if it doesn't sting then I'm probably not applying it properly or in large enough amounts. If it doesn't hurt then it's probably not bright enough. So if it doesn't hurt at all, then I'm probably not salt and light to people.
Not only should I be prepared to have people mad at me, upset, offended, hurt and even hating me, I should expect it. Expect it! And what's more I should probably be worried if they aren't. Worried if they aren't!
So that's another challenge for me (or at least an extenstion of that third one). And so my pride needs to go. I must be all about God, advancing His Kingdom and seeing His truth and love spread throughout the world. Whatever the implications are for me. He alone is most important.
I'm a big advocate of positive self-image. Whilst I don't get to speak to guys about this so much, I find that so many of the girls I speak to have a negative self image. They usually hide it under make up, clothes, and what have you, but loads of girls I speak to think they are fat, ugly, useless, worthless, unlovable and worse. I really wish, I mean that, I really wish I could cure that in these girls. (This is a short aside) Because I'm so sick of the media presenting (and I'm assuming here that this is largely true for guys too) views that have led people to believe these things about themselves. People are beautiful, everyone is gifted and I know that everyone I have ever met is loved by those around them.
I like to think that I've managed to avoid this personally - I have a positive self image. I readily admit my faults, but I know that there are many people who love and care for me. I know where some of strengths lie (public speaking, guitar, theology, etc), I know that I'm a good friend, I think I'm pretty good looking. (Another short aside related to the first - the problem with me writing that is that I automatically appear vain, conceited, arrogant, etc for even having a positive self image, something else I hate about how we've been conditioned in our society).
But whilst I may have avoided this negative self image problem, I have become susceptible to the opposite. I can be proud.
But all of this is really a slight background to what I've been thinking. (I know, it's been an aside with asides in it). I may have a positive self image, but it's not well founded and it causes me big problems.
I know where the best place to build foundations for a positive self image are. They are in the knowledge that I am created in the image of God and deeply, deeply loved by Him. However, whilst I know this and try to build there, I think a lot of my foundations have been built on second grade groundwork. I have realised recently how much my positive self-image and self-worth, which is what this is actually about, are dependent on others.
To an extent that is good - get feedback from others, work together to improve at life, etc, etc - but it holds me back from some growth.
Let me relate it to what I spoke about in my last post. I am afraid to have difficult conversations with those I know, even when I know it's right and when I know I should. And I am afraid because of what could result. Speaking hard truths can lead to very difficult outcomes. For instance, if I speak to a friend about something, they may decide to stop being my friend. One person I know tends to completely stop talking to people who have upset them, to write them out of their life, so for me it would be a real challenge to speak to them about difficult topics because I fear that they might write me out of their life too.
This is all understandable on paper (and I assume you've kept up) but when it comes to real life application it becomes so much harder. And this is why it highlights issues for me.
I am really unprepared to speak to people becuase I don't want to offend them, I don't want to hurt them and I most definitely don't want them to hate me. I have this almost crippling fear of people rejecting me, and so I am too scared to speak to them about things that are important. And that is so sad. So upsetting.
I am so afraid of how people might react to me, and so scared of people potentially hating me, that I won't speak truth to them. Because the problem is truth can hurt.
It is so sad that I am afraid to tell people about Jesus, the best thing in the UNIVERSE, the BEST thing, because I am scared of how they might react to me. The best thing I can do for people is tell them about Jesus, help them to know Him, pray with them, speak truth to them and help them grow in truth and love, but I am afraid to do so because I risk them hating me.
So I need to destroy my pride. It needs to be taken out of me. It needs to go.
I need to realise this truth and let it change me. Because truth can hurt. But if people need truth then I need to give it to them, even if it means hurt.
We as Christians are called to be salt and light in the earth. Salt in a wound heals, but it also stings. Light when you've been in darkness shows you the way but also hurts your eyes. I want to heal people with truth and to show them the way, but it's likely to sting them and hurt.
In fact, this challenges me further, because if it doesn't sting then I'm probably not applying it properly or in large enough amounts. If it doesn't hurt then it's probably not bright enough. So if it doesn't hurt at all, then I'm probably not salt and light to people.
Not only should I be prepared to have people mad at me, upset, offended, hurt and even hating me, I should expect it. Expect it! And what's more I should probably be worried if they aren't. Worried if they aren't!
So that's another challenge for me (or at least an extenstion of that third one). And so my pride needs to go. I must be all about God, advancing His Kingdom and seeing His truth and love spread throughout the world. Whatever the implications are for me. He alone is most important.
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Discernment
This is the word for me at the moment.
It's the word at the centre of a lot of my prayers.
I have felt more challenged by things in my walk with God in the past term than I think I ever have before. Cool, but weird and hard.
1)
Firstly, my outlook on money completely changed over the summer. I got this realisation that I am rich. So very rich. You know that half the world, Yes HALF the world, that's 3 billion people live on less than £1 a day. let me break that down for you. That £7 a week. £30ish a month. £365 a year. My rent is £275, my household bills another £75. That's £350. A month. A MONTH. Before luxuries (i.e. nights out, starbucks, cinema, etc.).
I spend in 1 month what HALF THE WORLD GETS IN A WHOLE YEAR.
I also have about £200 a month alloted to myself for direct debits and for my nights out, cinema, etc.
I spend more ON LUXURIES in 2 MONTHS than HALF THE WORLD GETS IN A WHOLE YEAR.
My attitude toward money has changed. Because what I've quoted for myself is my out goings since I have had this in mind. So far this year my tuition loan has obviously gone straight to the University, but I've managed to not touch my Maintenance loan. I get the full Maintenance Grant and the full University Bursary so this has gone towards that first set of bills I mentioned of mine. All my necessities are fortunately paid for by money that I don't have to pay back. That means that any money above that is luxury and on my back. So far I have used money from my birthday, earned from work over the summer and given to me by family for starting uni, and I have some paid work lined up for next year to sort outgoings then.
Basically I am really challenged to think about how much I get over here in the West, how much I take for granted and how much I waste.
I can't really explain any further than that, I think it is perhaps a God given compulsion, but I am challenged to be more and more faithful with what is given to me, and less and less selfish, since I have too much as it is.
Having written that I realise I risk sounding pious, like I'm trying to show how I'm better than everyone else. I don't think that at all. I don't think everyone else in the West is purposefully selfish as such. But I don't think we realise how blessed and fortunate we are, and this is something I have been struck with and challenged by recently, and I wanted to share that with you.
2)
This term I have also felt compelled to seek God for, chase God for, badger God for, demand God for more.
I spoke before about how I don't see Miracles, Healing, Words of Knowledge and so on in my life. I have felt really challenged to seek God for these. I have felt challenged to seek God more fully than I ever have and I feel that I need to see Him do these things or I need to leave Him. This has meant that I have been challenged to start seriously seeking Him in prayer, and to start trying to outwork it in my real life.
I have prayed with non-Christian friends of mine, which is hard to do. To stand up and ask them if I can pray for them. I haven't seen amazing miracles yet. I haven't knowingly encountered words of knowledge or prophecy yet. I haven't seen the healing that I have prayed for. But I know this is the right thing to be doing. I am constantly praying that God would do new things and I long to see it happen. And I believe that it will.
God has already used this though to grow things in me and develop me. It has taught me more about who He is, who I am and who I should be to those around me. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone, but taught me about putting the needs of others first and being a constant witness to my Lord and Saviour.
It is a challenge, but a challenge I take.
3)
The latest thing I have felt challenged about has been to do with speaking. I guess this kinda fits with words of knowledge and prophecy, or at least overlaps a bit. But mainly I feel challenged to talk to people about the important things in life and not back away from difficult topics.
This practically means tough conversations with individuals I know, conversations I'm yet to have as I seek to take on this challenge. I know that this is important because first of all it is what God wants of me. It is important because topics to be covered are important. And it is important because it deals with fundamental aspects of the respective relationships I have with different people. To speak truth into peoples lives can be tough, because a lot of things in life are tough.
To speak about it in a general way, whilst also using a real example, I need to be more prepared to talk directly with people about Jesus. I almost wrote "talk directly with people about my faith", but that makes this about me, and it is only about Him. This is a tough thing, because it is SO important that I speak with people about Jesus. NOTHING in the WHOLE OF LIFE is as important as JESUS and KNOWING HIM. I should not be afraid to back away from conversations about the most important thing to everyone in existence. But for whatever reason, I am.
So I am challenged to be prepared to talk to people about the important things, even if I think it could really challenge the relationship that I have with that person - whether I need to talk to them about their attitude towards others, about their behaviour, about their relationship with God or whatever.
So, I realise that's a lot. But that is where I am at, what is on my heart these days.
Discernment)
To take it back to discernment. This word is key for me at the moment, because it goes on top of everything I've spoken about so far.
I pray for discernment of my use of finances. How can I be most faithful with what I have. How I can I live less selfishly? How can I live more selflessly? How can I use what I have to benefit those around me? How can I use what I have to benefit those in the third world?
I pray for discernment of God's works of power. When should I offer to pray for someones healing? When should I look to God for miracles? How will I know if I have a word of knowledge? How will I know if I have a word of prophecy?
I pray for discernment in my relationships. What do I need to speak to people about? What should I say to them? When should I say it? How should I say it?
In all of these things I need discernment, so I seek God - give me discernment Lord. May I serve you with everything I have. May I serve you faithfully. May I serve you to the best of my ability. May I serve you to the best of your expectation. May your kingdom come.
It's the word at the centre of a lot of my prayers.
I have felt more challenged by things in my walk with God in the past term than I think I ever have before. Cool, but weird and hard.
1)
Firstly, my outlook on money completely changed over the summer. I got this realisation that I am rich. So very rich. You know that half the world, Yes HALF the world, that's 3 billion people live on less than £1 a day. let me break that down for you. That £7 a week. £30ish a month. £365 a year. My rent is £275, my household bills another £75. That's £350. A month. A MONTH. Before luxuries (i.e. nights out, starbucks, cinema, etc.).
I spend in 1 month what HALF THE WORLD GETS IN A WHOLE YEAR.
I also have about £200 a month alloted to myself for direct debits and for my nights out, cinema, etc.
I spend more ON LUXURIES in 2 MONTHS than HALF THE WORLD GETS IN A WHOLE YEAR.
My attitude toward money has changed. Because what I've quoted for myself is my out goings since I have had this in mind. So far this year my tuition loan has obviously gone straight to the University, but I've managed to not touch my Maintenance loan. I get the full Maintenance Grant and the full University Bursary so this has gone towards that first set of bills I mentioned of mine. All my necessities are fortunately paid for by money that I don't have to pay back. That means that any money above that is luxury and on my back. So far I have used money from my birthday, earned from work over the summer and given to me by family for starting uni, and I have some paid work lined up for next year to sort outgoings then.
Basically I am really challenged to think about how much I get over here in the West, how much I take for granted and how much I waste.
I can't really explain any further than that, I think it is perhaps a God given compulsion, but I am challenged to be more and more faithful with what is given to me, and less and less selfish, since I have too much as it is.
Having written that I realise I risk sounding pious, like I'm trying to show how I'm better than everyone else. I don't think that at all. I don't think everyone else in the West is purposefully selfish as such. But I don't think we realise how blessed and fortunate we are, and this is something I have been struck with and challenged by recently, and I wanted to share that with you.
2)
This term I have also felt compelled to seek God for, chase God for, badger God for, demand God for more.
I spoke before about how I don't see Miracles, Healing, Words of Knowledge and so on in my life. I have felt really challenged to seek God for these. I have felt challenged to seek God more fully than I ever have and I feel that I need to see Him do these things or I need to leave Him. This has meant that I have been challenged to start seriously seeking Him in prayer, and to start trying to outwork it in my real life.
I have prayed with non-Christian friends of mine, which is hard to do. To stand up and ask them if I can pray for them. I haven't seen amazing miracles yet. I haven't knowingly encountered words of knowledge or prophecy yet. I haven't seen the healing that I have prayed for. But I know this is the right thing to be doing. I am constantly praying that God would do new things and I long to see it happen. And I believe that it will.
God has already used this though to grow things in me and develop me. It has taught me more about who He is, who I am and who I should be to those around me. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone, but taught me about putting the needs of others first and being a constant witness to my Lord and Saviour.
It is a challenge, but a challenge I take.
3)
The latest thing I have felt challenged about has been to do with speaking. I guess this kinda fits with words of knowledge and prophecy, or at least overlaps a bit. But mainly I feel challenged to talk to people about the important things in life and not back away from difficult topics.
This practically means tough conversations with individuals I know, conversations I'm yet to have as I seek to take on this challenge. I know that this is important because first of all it is what God wants of me. It is important because topics to be covered are important. And it is important because it deals with fundamental aspects of the respective relationships I have with different people. To speak truth into peoples lives can be tough, because a lot of things in life are tough.
To speak about it in a general way, whilst also using a real example, I need to be more prepared to talk directly with people about Jesus. I almost wrote "talk directly with people about my faith", but that makes this about me, and it is only about Him. This is a tough thing, because it is SO important that I speak with people about Jesus. NOTHING in the WHOLE OF LIFE is as important as JESUS and KNOWING HIM. I should not be afraid to back away from conversations about the most important thing to everyone in existence. But for whatever reason, I am.
So I am challenged to be prepared to talk to people about the important things, even if I think it could really challenge the relationship that I have with that person - whether I need to talk to them about their attitude towards others, about their behaviour, about their relationship with God or whatever.
So, I realise that's a lot. But that is where I am at, what is on my heart these days.
Discernment)
To take it back to discernment. This word is key for me at the moment, because it goes on top of everything I've spoken about so far.
I pray for discernment of my use of finances. How can I be most faithful with what I have. How I can I live less selfishly? How can I live more selflessly? How can I use what I have to benefit those around me? How can I use what I have to benefit those in the third world?
I pray for discernment of God's works of power. When should I offer to pray for someones healing? When should I look to God for miracles? How will I know if I have a word of knowledge? How will I know if I have a word of prophecy?
I pray for discernment in my relationships. What do I need to speak to people about? What should I say to them? When should I say it? How should I say it?
In all of these things I need discernment, so I seek God - give me discernment Lord. May I serve you with everything I have. May I serve you faithfully. May I serve you to the best of my ability. May I serve you to the best of your expectation. May your kingdom come.
Where I am
Expect this.
There will probably be big gaps in my blog as it goes along. There is between the last one I posted and this one. I only really want to post when I really feel that I have stuff to talk about, rather than talk for the sake of talking.
Today is Christmas - and I wish it was more.
That's not me saying I wish I had gotten more, eaten more, done more - in fact, I've had a great day - I've done a fair few things, I've eaten too much, and I definitely own too much.
It's not to say that Christmas doesn't feel like it did as a kid. It doesn't, but that's expected.
What I mean is that it is really hard to find Christmas these days. Really hard. And I get that that must sound weird - each year we have all this advertising Christmas, in shops, decorations in the streets, our houses and so on so that we can't miss it. We even have all those people who go on about the real meaning of Christmas - all those films that talk about love, or family, or giving. Occasionally we get the people who get even closer and talk a bit about Jesus. But even still, I don't think we find Christmas.
If I'm totally honest, knowledge of God, His grace and His favour have not been at the centre of my day. And I even went to church for the Christmas service this morning (and midnight mass last night for that matter).
Christmas is about a lot of things, I'll give you that.
These days it is about gifts, it is about decorations, it is about giving, it is about receiving, it is about family, it is about love. But at the centre it is about Jesus.
It is about his birth, it is about the shepherds, it is about the manger. But at the centre it is about God, coming to earth for you.
The problem I'm having now is that that is one of the messages we hear at Christmas. Repeated parrot fashion. We know it. We think we do anyway.
But stop. Stop there. Think. God came to earth for you. Jesus was born for YOU. Stop for a minute and think about that. Go on, right now, stop, think about it, come back to this blog when you've thought about it for a bit. God came for you. Go and think about that. Go on.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's big.
This year, may you realise the significance of Christmas, really realise it.
Because my words can never do that justice. I pray you encounter the significance of that realisation and that you encounter Jesus for yourself. He is all you need.
There will probably be big gaps in my blog as it goes along. There is between the last one I posted and this one. I only really want to post when I really feel that I have stuff to talk about, rather than talk for the sake of talking.
Today is Christmas - and I wish it was more.
That's not me saying I wish I had gotten more, eaten more, done more - in fact, I've had a great day - I've done a fair few things, I've eaten too much, and I definitely own too much.
It's not to say that Christmas doesn't feel like it did as a kid. It doesn't, but that's expected.
What I mean is that it is really hard to find Christmas these days. Really hard. And I get that that must sound weird - each year we have all this advertising Christmas, in shops, decorations in the streets, our houses and so on so that we can't miss it. We even have all those people who go on about the real meaning of Christmas - all those films that talk about love, or family, or giving. Occasionally we get the people who get even closer and talk a bit about Jesus. But even still, I don't think we find Christmas.
If I'm totally honest, knowledge of God, His grace and His favour have not been at the centre of my day. And I even went to church for the Christmas service this morning (and midnight mass last night for that matter).
Christmas is about a lot of things, I'll give you that.
These days it is about gifts, it is about decorations, it is about giving, it is about receiving, it is about family, it is about love. But at the centre it is about Jesus.
It is about his birth, it is about the shepherds, it is about the manger. But at the centre it is about God, coming to earth for you.
The problem I'm having now is that that is one of the messages we hear at Christmas. Repeated parrot fashion. We know it. We think we do anyway.
But stop. Stop there. Think. God came to earth for you. Jesus was born for YOU. Stop for a minute and think about that. Go on, right now, stop, think about it, come back to this blog when you've thought about it for a bit. God came for you. Go and think about that. Go on.
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It's big.
This year, may you realise the significance of Christmas, really realise it.
Because my words can never do that justice. I pray you encounter the significance of that realisation and that you encounter Jesus for yourself. He is all you need.
Saturday, 22 November 2008
Taking Discipleship Seriously
How seriously do we take our discipleship? I mean really?
(I know this is the second post immediately after the last but I had more and wanted to separate it, because really it is separate)
I've been reading a book called "Ten Things I Wish Jesus Never Said". Interesting title I know (He originally wanted to call it "Ten Tings I Hate About Jesus" but the publishers suggested otherwise. Shame though, cause he's trying to pick up on the difficult stuff Jesus said). Basically it examines some of the hardest teachings of Jesus (e.g. 'if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out' and 'If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross daily') and what they mean if we take them seriously insead of ignoring them becuase they're hard.
I really felt challenged reading this morning and wanted to share my thoughts.
As Christians, are we prepared to go all out for Christ? This question gets asked a lot, and we like to answer yes. I mean, how can we answer no? But in reality it's a question we have to wrestle with on our own, not when a speaker asks it in a sermon, or somewhere else equally disattached from real life. I've wrestled with it in the past but find it a question I constantly have to return to. Because, as Christians, we all tend to like to say "I would die for Jesus", and that's cool, but the question is followed with "Would you live for Him?". Today I have felt another question is appropriate, although it is going to sound strange - "Would you be the living dead for Him?".
Let me clarify. We are prepared to die and we are prepared to live our lives with Him in them. But I don't think that this is really enough. I mean, I think it goes deeper. If you say you are prepared to die for Him then I ask you this "are you prepared to spend months being tortured for Him?". Not so easy to answer anymore, I mean, if you think about that fully. None of us hope for a painful death, and I don't believe God exactly sits down and decides who to subject that to, but when we answer that question about dying for Him, have we thought it through? Obviously we hope He wouldn't let that happen to us, but if it came to it, are we really prepared to be tortured for Him?
So for that weird question, if we say dying for Him needs to be considered to the next level, as above, then what about living for Him?
Are we prepared to be the living dead? To remain living, but to have given up everything of what we consider to have been our lives? And I don't mean in a pack-your-bags-move-to-a-distant-place-to-be-a-missionary giving-up-what-is-our-lives way. I mean something deeper. And this is where it gets hard, for me and for all of us.
We take things for granted and think that God won't ask us to give them up. In fact we even consider them necessary for kingdom growth. I'm going to discuss this with one example, but it can be transfered further.
You, no doubt, have plenty of non-Christian friends. Are you prepared to lose them for Christ?
Many of us think that by being friends with the world we will make the gospel more attractive. And that if we become truly Christlike then the world will be attracted to us.
The thing is, a more biblically accurate statement would be that the more Christlike we become, the more the world will hate us. How prepared are we for that.
Again, that's not what we're pursuing directly, but if we look honestly, we know there's a good risk it's the case. I have to ask myself, is my discipleship (and therefore my witness to the world) suffering because I think I have to maintain these friendships. Don't get me wrong, I most definitly want to. But what if following Christ closer, as in my last post, means that people start to disown us as friends, or even persecute us. Because I think we misunderstand that word, persecute. We hear it in church and agree that believers will be persecuted, but we seem to think that means other believers, or that it means we wont be allowed to put a sign up in the town centre saying Christmas, we'll have to put up Winterville. But when we stop (and so much of this requires time of personal reflection) and think about it - that is what persecution would really be like. Our friends disown or abuse us, because we start following Christ further.
Sometimes, even, we should ask ourselves "If the world doesn't hate me, am I really become Christlike?", since Jesus told us that as the world hated Him it would hate us.
I realise that this is heavy, but I think it should be. I'm not advocating trying to lose friends. I'm not suggesting we need to get rid of things in our lives, but we need to constantly wrestle with the idea that as we get into closer fellowship with God, a lot of these kinds of things may have to be given up, even when we think they are good.
So my challenge is simply to consider how much you are really willing to give up for Christ. Your life (i.e. dying)? OR also your living (i.e. everything about your life)? Anything of your living that may get in the way? Even things that you think are good, like friendships?
Again, I find myself wondering what the Church would be like if we were like that. How much more powerful would the Church be if we pursued Christ relentlessly, even if it cost friendships and other things we think are important? Would revival spread?
(I know this is the second post immediately after the last but I had more and wanted to separate it, because really it is separate)
I've been reading a book called "Ten Things I Wish Jesus Never Said". Interesting title I know (He originally wanted to call it "Ten Tings I Hate About Jesus" but the publishers suggested otherwise. Shame though, cause he's trying to pick up on the difficult stuff Jesus said). Basically it examines some of the hardest teachings of Jesus (e.g. 'if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out' and 'If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross daily') and what they mean if we take them seriously insead of ignoring them becuase they're hard.
I really felt challenged reading this morning and wanted to share my thoughts.
As Christians, are we prepared to go all out for Christ? This question gets asked a lot, and we like to answer yes. I mean, how can we answer no? But in reality it's a question we have to wrestle with on our own, not when a speaker asks it in a sermon, or somewhere else equally disattached from real life. I've wrestled with it in the past but find it a question I constantly have to return to. Because, as Christians, we all tend to like to say "I would die for Jesus", and that's cool, but the question is followed with "Would you live for Him?". Today I have felt another question is appropriate, although it is going to sound strange - "Would you be the living dead for Him?".
Let me clarify. We are prepared to die and we are prepared to live our lives with Him in them. But I don't think that this is really enough. I mean, I think it goes deeper. If you say you are prepared to die for Him then I ask you this "are you prepared to spend months being tortured for Him?". Not so easy to answer anymore, I mean, if you think about that fully. None of us hope for a painful death, and I don't believe God exactly sits down and decides who to subject that to, but when we answer that question about dying for Him, have we thought it through? Obviously we hope He wouldn't let that happen to us, but if it came to it, are we really prepared to be tortured for Him?
So for that weird question, if we say dying for Him needs to be considered to the next level, as above, then what about living for Him?
Are we prepared to be the living dead? To remain living, but to have given up everything of what we consider to have been our lives? And I don't mean in a pack-your-bags-move-to-a-distant-place-to-be-a-missionary giving-up-what-is-our-lives way. I mean something deeper. And this is where it gets hard, for me and for all of us.
We take things for granted and think that God won't ask us to give them up. In fact we even consider them necessary for kingdom growth. I'm going to discuss this with one example, but it can be transfered further.
You, no doubt, have plenty of non-Christian friends. Are you prepared to lose them for Christ?
Many of us think that by being friends with the world we will make the gospel more attractive. And that if we become truly Christlike then the world will be attracted to us.
The thing is, a more biblically accurate statement would be that the more Christlike we become, the more the world will hate us. How prepared are we for that.
Again, that's not what we're pursuing directly, but if we look honestly, we know there's a good risk it's the case. I have to ask myself, is my discipleship (and therefore my witness to the world) suffering because I think I have to maintain these friendships. Don't get me wrong, I most definitly want to. But what if following Christ closer, as in my last post, means that people start to disown us as friends, or even persecute us. Because I think we misunderstand that word, persecute. We hear it in church and agree that believers will be persecuted, but we seem to think that means other believers, or that it means we wont be allowed to put a sign up in the town centre saying Christmas, we'll have to put up Winterville. But when we stop (and so much of this requires time of personal reflection) and think about it - that is what persecution would really be like. Our friends disown or abuse us, because we start following Christ further.
Sometimes, even, we should ask ourselves "If the world doesn't hate me, am I really become Christlike?", since Jesus told us that as the world hated Him it would hate us.
I realise that this is heavy, but I think it should be. I'm not advocating trying to lose friends. I'm not suggesting we need to get rid of things in our lives, but we need to constantly wrestle with the idea that as we get into closer fellowship with God, a lot of these kinds of things may have to be given up, even when we think they are good.
So my challenge is simply to consider how much you are really willing to give up for Christ. Your life (i.e. dying)? OR also your living (i.e. everything about your life)? Anything of your living that may get in the way? Even things that you think are good, like friendships?
Again, I find myself wondering what the Church would be like if we were like that. How much more powerful would the Church be if we pursued Christ relentlessly, even if it cost friendships and other things we think are important? Would revival spread?
How should we be?
So I've been challenged to go deeper with God recently, to really step it up a notch in how my relationship with Him looks.
I've found myself in an interesting quandary since getting to uni.
See, if I'm honest with you, I find it easy to think that I've got it sorted as a Christian, that I'm doing pretty well. I mean, I can point to things that make it look like I must be on track and generally great - like 3 years with Youth For Christ. I mean I must be doing well to have achieved that. However, stuff like that is a load of rubbish.
I've felt more challenged about stepping up in my walk with God since coming to uni than I think I ever did on YFC. Not to say that I never felt challenged on YFC, I did, a lot. But this is different. This is like next level stuff.
Before, I felt that I needed to grow in things and I definitly feel that that has happened, but I've reached a point now where it feels like I need to do one of two things - take the next step and level it up, or walk away from it all.
I've been wrestling with what God about His power at work in the world and feel like that is the conclusion I have reached. Because I don't see Him at work in the ways that I think He should be. I don't see miracles in my life, I don't see healings, I don't see Words of Knowledge and so on, but I believe I should. Not because I think I should see them because I'm me, but because I think as disciples we should see them. Jesus and the disciples ministries and the life of the early church was soaked in this kind of stuff and yet I don't see it. So I feel that I have reached a point where one of two things is the case - either God is not there (and so I walk away), or I'm so far from where I should be as a disciple (and need to step it up).
As an aside, that walking away part sounds so tempting. It's so easy, there's all those lures of a pleasure based life that I could succumb to, and Satan keeps reminding me of that. I have felt more tempted by that kind of stuff recently than I think I ever have. Thank God that I have a strong foundation in Christ and in the Church, that I know going for this would not be worth it, no matter how appealing it became.
So I'm left with trying to work out how to step it up. If I want to see miracles, healing, etc but I'm not, what about me needs to change? And I really feel that God's been talking to me about this. I went to a day conference thing called Jesus Culture a few weeks back and that was all about this, and ever since it's constantly in my head and I feel challenged about it everywhere - in conversation with other Christians, in church, in my own prayer times.
But this part sucks because it requires me to drastically change. Y'kno there's the general growth we need - like reading our bibles more, praying more, etc - but this is something else. If I want to see this kind of stuff not only doI need to pray for it, etc, but I need to start seeing, creating and taking opportunities for it. If I want to see healing then I need to pray for people who are sick or injured. If I want Words of Knowledge for people then I need to pray for them and then actually speak to them about it when I feel I have something.
So this is why I'm in a hard place. On the one hand I know that I need to start this kind of stuff. Spending time praying about it then actually going out to try and see it happen. On the other hand, if I don't, the only real option is for me to walk away from it all, which tempting as that may be, is not allowed to happen.
It makes me wonder though. How much more powerful would the Church be if we all thought about it like this. I mean I suspect many would take the second option. But if they went for the first, really too discipleship seriously, wouldn't that rock the world just like back in the first century?
I've found myself in an interesting quandary since getting to uni.
See, if I'm honest with you, I find it easy to think that I've got it sorted as a Christian, that I'm doing pretty well. I mean, I can point to things that make it look like I must be on track and generally great - like 3 years with Youth For Christ. I mean I must be doing well to have achieved that. However, stuff like that is a load of rubbish.
I've felt more challenged about stepping up in my walk with God since coming to uni than I think I ever did on YFC. Not to say that I never felt challenged on YFC, I did, a lot. But this is different. This is like next level stuff.
Before, I felt that I needed to grow in things and I definitly feel that that has happened, but I've reached a point now where it feels like I need to do one of two things - take the next step and level it up, or walk away from it all.
I've been wrestling with what God about His power at work in the world and feel like that is the conclusion I have reached. Because I don't see Him at work in the ways that I think He should be. I don't see miracles in my life, I don't see healings, I don't see Words of Knowledge and so on, but I believe I should. Not because I think I should see them because I'm me, but because I think as disciples we should see them. Jesus and the disciples ministries and the life of the early church was soaked in this kind of stuff and yet I don't see it. So I feel that I have reached a point where one of two things is the case - either God is not there (and so I walk away), or I'm so far from where I should be as a disciple (and need to step it up).
As an aside, that walking away part sounds so tempting. It's so easy, there's all those lures of a pleasure based life that I could succumb to, and Satan keeps reminding me of that. I have felt more tempted by that kind of stuff recently than I think I ever have. Thank God that I have a strong foundation in Christ and in the Church, that I know going for this would not be worth it, no matter how appealing it became.
So I'm left with trying to work out how to step it up. If I want to see miracles, healing, etc but I'm not, what about me needs to change? And I really feel that God's been talking to me about this. I went to a day conference thing called Jesus Culture a few weeks back and that was all about this, and ever since it's constantly in my head and I feel challenged about it everywhere - in conversation with other Christians, in church, in my own prayer times.
But this part sucks because it requires me to drastically change. Y'kno there's the general growth we need - like reading our bibles more, praying more, etc - but this is something else. If I want to see this kind of stuff not only doI need to pray for it, etc, but I need to start seeing, creating and taking opportunities for it. If I want to see healing then I need to pray for people who are sick or injured. If I want Words of Knowledge for people then I need to pray for them and then actually speak to them about it when I feel I have something.
So this is why I'm in a hard place. On the one hand I know that I need to start this kind of stuff. Spending time praying about it then actually going out to try and see it happen. On the other hand, if I don't, the only real option is for me to walk away from it all, which tempting as that may be, is not allowed to happen.
It makes me wonder though. How much more powerful would the Church be if we all thought about it like this. I mean I suspect many would take the second option. But if they went for the first, really too discipleship seriously, wouldn't that rock the world just like back in the first century?
Thursday, 13 November 2008
You're my healer
So something that's been on my mind recently is the whole fiasco with Mike Gugliulmucci.
In case you don't know who he is, Mike Gugliulmucci (interesting name I know) is an Australian Pastor who for the last 2 years was travelling around Christian conferences and churches sharing about his struggle with cancer. He has been encouraging people in their struggles and generally being an inspiration to Christians around the world. One thing he did was that he wrote an amazing song, very moving and powerful, called "Healer". I recommend listening to it:
I saw him during the 24 hours I was at Soul Survivor A this year. He told us about how he had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and hadnt expected to still be alive, but here he was. It was like a miracle, as he spoke about the encouraging things that he has seen since being diagnosed and we all sang this song together. It was very inspiring, and, like many other Christians around the world had done so far already, we spent time together, right there praying for him.
However, recently it has been revealed that he lied. He doesn't have cancer and never did. The truth has now come out that he made up the story of cancer to cover up his secret shame - being addicted to pornography since being a young teenager. He became so consumed with guilt that it started manifesting physically - he was violently sick at times, he did find himself needing the oxygen tube for real and he did lose his hair. But he made up the cancer to avoid the truth - to keep others from the truth and to keep himself from it. But it meant that he went around the world and lied to tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people.
Unsurprisingly, people have spoken about their shock at discovering this. I felt so weird when I discovered it was a lie - knowing what that meant globally.
But the thing I find amazing about it all is the other response, and this really encourages me. Go and youtube him and watch the clip of him on the TodayTonight show. This covers the story in some more detail and shows responses.
What I am encouraged by is the fact that most of the people who respond, including those from his own church, are supportive! It's great! This could have stirred such an outrage and done a lot of major damage to the church. Now I know that it has caused hurt and damage and I'm not retracting from that, but the response is a truly Christian one. People recognise that he is only human, that he has messed up and that "we've all sinned".
Yes people have spoken out about betrayal and so on, but most of the comments I have come across are forgiving and kind. Christians are urging each other to forgive him and where they prayed for his physical healing they now pray for his emotional healing, spiritual healing, the healing of his marriage and so on.
I love the church that turns are to the person in their midst who has betrayed them and forgives him and prays for him further.
That is the church that Jesus came to make, the Kingdom he called into the world. Let's see more of that!
Bring it on!
In case you don't know who he is, Mike Gugliulmucci (interesting name I know) is an Australian Pastor who for the last 2 years was travelling around Christian conferences and churches sharing about his struggle with cancer. He has been encouraging people in their struggles and generally being an inspiration to Christians around the world. One thing he did was that he wrote an amazing song, very moving and powerful, called "Healer". I recommend listening to it:
I saw him during the 24 hours I was at Soul Survivor A this year. He told us about how he had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and hadnt expected to still be alive, but here he was. It was like a miracle, as he spoke about the encouraging things that he has seen since being diagnosed and we all sang this song together. It was very inspiring, and, like many other Christians around the world had done so far already, we spent time together, right there praying for him.
However, recently it has been revealed that he lied. He doesn't have cancer and never did. The truth has now come out that he made up the story of cancer to cover up his secret shame - being addicted to pornography since being a young teenager. He became so consumed with guilt that it started manifesting physically - he was violently sick at times, he did find himself needing the oxygen tube for real and he did lose his hair. But he made up the cancer to avoid the truth - to keep others from the truth and to keep himself from it. But it meant that he went around the world and lied to tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people.
Unsurprisingly, people have spoken about their shock at discovering this. I felt so weird when I discovered it was a lie - knowing what that meant globally.
But the thing I find amazing about it all is the other response, and this really encourages me. Go and youtube him and watch the clip of him on the TodayTonight show. This covers the story in some more detail and shows responses.
What I am encouraged by is the fact that most of the people who respond, including those from his own church, are supportive! It's great! This could have stirred such an outrage and done a lot of major damage to the church. Now I know that it has caused hurt and damage and I'm not retracting from that, but the response is a truly Christian one. People recognise that he is only human, that he has messed up and that "we've all sinned".
Yes people have spoken out about betrayal and so on, but most of the comments I have come across are forgiving and kind. Christians are urging each other to forgive him and where they prayed for his physical healing they now pray for his emotional healing, spiritual healing, the healing of his marriage and so on.
I love the church that turns are to the person in their midst who has betrayed them and forgives him and prays for him further.
That is the church that Jesus came to make, the Kingdom he called into the world. Let's see more of that!
Bring it on!
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Is it worth doing?
So I've been reading the blogs of several friends and have found them to be something that draws me in. It's so inspiring and encouraging to see my friends share their life experiences and how God is working in and through them.
So I'm giving it a go again. I've taken stabs at blog writing before, usually setting myself rigid goals or things to work too. I think that might be why I get rubbish at them. I'm just gonna let this be somewhere to write if and when I want to. No commitments, no necessity.
Cause I've always wanted somewhere to just record what's going on, what I'm thinking, what I see God doing; as a way of being able to focus on it myself, but also because I really want to share some of the things I discover. I want to be able to help people know more. I dont expect to start a revolution through this, but if I can inspire people a little in the ways that they inspire me, well that's a start.
I mean life is new again for me. I'm at Uni now, finally. And I'm finding new challenges and struggles to work through. I've had a load of experiences so far that are already lost somewhere in memory, but I hope I can record somethings here and, who knows, see something happen.
Becuase God is good. I don't understand him and heck I don't even get what's going on in my own head, but I know that. God is good. I hope I can show that to people in the things that I do and say and in the ways that I live.
We'll see.
So I'm giving it a go again. I've taken stabs at blog writing before, usually setting myself rigid goals or things to work too. I think that might be why I get rubbish at them. I'm just gonna let this be somewhere to write if and when I want to. No commitments, no necessity.
Cause I've always wanted somewhere to just record what's going on, what I'm thinking, what I see God doing; as a way of being able to focus on it myself, but also because I really want to share some of the things I discover. I want to be able to help people know more. I dont expect to start a revolution through this, but if I can inspire people a little in the ways that they inspire me, well that's a start.
I mean life is new again for me. I'm at Uni now, finally. And I'm finding new challenges and struggles to work through. I've had a load of experiences so far that are already lost somewhere in memory, but I hope I can record somethings here and, who knows, see something happen.
Becuase God is good. I don't understand him and heck I don't even get what's going on in my own head, but I know that. God is good. I hope I can show that to people in the things that I do and say and in the ways that I live.
We'll see.
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